so the times when ive been most happiest, were the times when ive orchestrated plans and ideas before i saw them into reality. More often than not the people would get on board too and we’d all have a good time. Octopuses garden. The hard thing for me tho, is sustaining that and having the energy to do that, all of the time, and wherever i go. I can think of a good example right now, when it became autonomous, automatic so to speak. I also remember the last time, everyone i know, had a good time. Most of my life though, i just let things happen really, just find myself here and there, a sort of social floater to be honest, now i’ve still had a lot of fun, but it feels much better to be the opposite. Its like writing your own life, instead of reading it i.e dont stop at reading a good book, despite its goodness, why not write. why not write a great fucking book. I think thats one of the best things ive ever said. fuckin cmon!! joking; pride is a sin. never be proud always be real.

Why do people smoke Cigerettes. Curse Sir Walter Raleigh, he was such a stupid git!! What im thinking is, goes way back. Back to cavemen, back to the beginning of our ability to make and control fire itself. Is smoking a cigarette, setting something on fire and breathing it in, the epitome of control and having power over fire itself. Is that far fetched, perhaps i should research. I have started smoking cigeretts, I sort of like it, makes me feel cool – like smoking is cool culturally cool and cool within myself, but do i really like it? sometimes yeah its decent i think i understand it more, the ritual of smoking. I’ve been told and tried to watch the series MadMen, i think i should give it another go. This is only temporary mind, for my own research – I want to know and experience why people smoke, why people have smoked and why people continue to smoke. The power of the triple – someone told me today, I have three Rs and three Ss in my name, i didnt believe them. Turns out its true – what does it mean exactly? i dont know – philosophize.